WHAT WOULD VERUCA SALT WEAR?
Everybody has come across a Veruca Salt in their lives. You know the type: bitchy, rich and ungrateful. Makes me mad just thinking about it. You’ll remember Veruca from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, she’s the greedy brat that always wants more. First she wants a golden ticket, then she wants a golden goose then she starts yammering on about some bean feast and 10,000 tons of ice cream. Of course, like all imbalanced children that visit Willie Wonka’s factory, she gets her just desserts AND I AIN’T TALKIN’ CHOCOLATE.
image after the jump
WHAT WOULD ELEANOR OF AQUITANE WEAR?
Hello Textbook people, I’m glad to be back, work has been crazy lately but hey, it pays my bills. Here we have Eleanor of Aquitane, basically the most bitchin’ badass woman of medieval times. Eleanor was a highly educated, strong willed and fiercely political. When she was 15, she became Queen of France and traveled to fight in the second crusade. Yup, she fought in the crusades, good for her. After the crusade, she divorced her husband and married King Henry of England and had a rather unhappy marriage. Eight kids later, the couple was estranged and Eleanor sort of ran her own show and set up a salon called “The Court of Love” where the brightest minds of the age discussed love, marriage and duty. One of her sons chose to rebel against her husband and her support found her in prison for 16 years but she was set free after Henry died. She’s also widely acknowledged to be one of the most beautiful women ever. Badass.
1. Queen of France
Coat by Celine, dress by Marc Jacobs, boots by Prada
2. I’m in the crusades, yo!
Cape by Jean Paul Gaultier, dress by Alexander McQueen, boots by Dries Van Noten
3. Oh great, I’m in prison
Coat by Vera Wang, dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Lanvin
What Would Mr. Ripley Wear?
The Talented Mr. Ripley tells the tale of a man who becomes obsessed with wealth, power and his friend. The book begins in New York, where down-on-his-luck Tom Ripley is approached by the wealthy Mr. Greenleaf to help him find his son, Dickie. Tom, an acquaintance of Dickie agrees to help. He soon finds himself in London forming a friendship with Dickie and his girlfriend, Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth starts to resent their friendship and founds a blog called Goop. Tom becomes more obsessed by the day—imitating Dickie and his lifestyle. Sensing Dickie is tiring of him and his antics, Tom murders Dickie while on vacation and assumes his identity. Gwyneth, having now successfully written a cookbook, turns her attention finding her lost boyfriend. Along with Mr. Greenleaf and a detective they catch up with Tom. The truth is nearly exposed, but some convenient assumptions exonerate Tom. He escapes his crime and is free to live his life, followed by the fear of capture and the guilt of murder. Murder most foul.
1. Help me I’m poor…
Shirt by D & G, shorts by Corneliani, shoes by Louis Vuitton
2. Look at Me, I’m Dickie
Coat by Canali, shirt and scarf by Kenzo, pants by Hermes, shoes by Maison Martin Margiela
3. On the run
Jacket, shirt, bag and tie by Louis Vuitton, pants by Viktor & Rolf, shoes by Prada
What Would Dorian Gray Wear?
I’m a little rusty on Dorian Gray, so forgive any errors up in this piece. It centers on the idea of selling your soul, or exchanging it for something. It’s a common theme, I believe it was first seen in Faust or Faustus. The protagonist sells his soul for a life he thinks would be better. Things go on and he lives a fantastic, pleasure-seeking life and then goes to Hell. Yay, Hell! Of course, this theme is everywhere from Billy Joel to Elizabeth Hurley and to Dorian Gray. In Dorian Gray, the lead trades a normal life for an eternal youth. Through the influence of others he lives a hedonistic life. It must be tough to have tons of sex and be really really ridiculously good looking. Trouble is, as Dorian’s sins mount, his true self is revealed in the portrait. His once handsome image is ravaged by his actions. Slowly, he comes to see that his life is a farce, a farce I say! However, despite his attempts at repenting and redemption, he couldn’t change it back. Frustrated with rage, he stabs the painting, killing himself and restoring the original work. Heavy shit.
1. Wow, I am so damn good looking, everybody thinks so. Like OMG, look at me.
Jacket by Roland Mouret, shirt and scarf by Maison Martin Margiela, pants by Prada, shoes by Acne
2. Hold on, I gotta sit for this portrait yo.
Suit by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Paul Smith
3. Stop looking at me, portrait Dorian!
Jacket by Salvatore Ferragamo, sweater by Maison Martin Margiela, pants by Bottega Veneta, shoes by Dries van Noten
What Would Anne Boleyn Wear?
How do you even begin to describe Anne Boleyn? She has two fendi purses and a silver Lexus. Okay, perhaps not, but one has to admit, Anne Boleyn certainly knew what she was doing when she captured the heart (or at least 1/6 of it) of King Henry VIII. We all know how his marriages faired and sometimes you can’t help but feel sorry for the poor bastard, but once you get that divorce/beheading bug, you just can’t stop. Of all his wives, I venture to say that Anne was the most famous, she was sort of the spark that set off to the powder keg. King Henry was married to the devout Catherine of Aragon from Spain. He grew tired of Catherine, despite their daughter Mary, who you may remember from such historical blunders as “Let’s kill all the protestants!” It was around this time that the Boleyn family came to court from France and after having a go with her sister, the King’s eye fell on Anne and before you know it, his royal highness broke it off with Caterine, started a new church and made Anne his queen. Then yada yada yada, she got locked in the tower on charges of infidelity, incest and treason most foul.
1. I’m gonna get me a King!
Fur by Yves Saint Lauren, dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Lanvin
2. I did it, now I’m the Queen, hooray!
Dress and shoes by Alexander McQueen
3. Why am I locked in the tower, what are all these axes for?
Sweater by Temperley London, dress by Rodarte, boots by Prada
