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GAGA’S WORKSHOP, A JOURNEY I HAD LAST NIGHT

Last night, I went to Barneys New York to visit Gaga’s Workshop. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from the Mother Monster, but I knew it wasn’t going to be the typical scene of Madison and 60th. Here is a brief 30 point account of last night’s events.

1. Cops! My car got sirened at. Fuck the police.
2. Oh look, there’s Prabal Gurung wearing the Junya fair isle baseball jacket. Gotta cop some Junya at the CO-OP.
3. Oh hey, I’m in the elevator now, aren’t we all excited?
4. (I hope they have a bathroom in Gaga’s Workshop)
5. The door is about to open, I’m definitely intrigued by the workshop. The doors open, drag queen statues everywhere talking at me.
6. Hey look! It’s Bryan wearing a onesie and a feathered coat and Wendy who I haven’t seen in a long time! Let’s hang out you guys.
7. Oh look, there’s lady Gaga’s face on a cookie! I’m going to eat you, girl.
8. (I really need a bathroom)
9. (There’s a bathroom on 6!)
10. Go upstairs and talk about life with security guard by the bathroom while waiting for elevator. He works the night shift and has to be there till 6:00 am, ouch.
11. Back downstairs
12. Hey look it’s Leandra! Sweet man, we’re pals now because we did that thing together.
13. Let’s get a drink, is there beer?
14. No, no beer. I’ll take a gin and tonic then, delicious.
15. No alcohol inside the workshop, only in the party room, which I’ve now named “The Champagne Room” and you can’t have sex their either.
16. Oh, hello Blake Lively, let me try and lure you over here with this light-up bouncy ball. Why isn’t this working? I’ll just show your assistant. Assistant enjoys my bouncy ball skill.
17. This place has everything: stuffed puff little monsters, a confection ring with fingers on it, press on rock nails, studded Michael Jackson gloves, flygrip iphone cases, a tiara for a wedding dress, a candle that cries tears from its eye canals, leather bound children’s books and an arachnid mother-monster.
18. Seth Meyers asks, “what’s an arachnid mother-monster?”
19. Stefon answers, “it’s that thing where they turn Lady Gaga into a giant spider full of Christmas presents and they explode all over a department store.”
20. Moving on, Leandra and I bumped into Danny, he’s wearing the Versace for H&M overcoat, it’s pretty nice actually.
21. Brad Walsh from twitter said hi and introduced himself, IRL.
22. Whoa! There’s Lady Gaga and she’s wearing a crazy dress that Chanel had custom made for her.
23. She’s getting closer, now is my chance to post a photo to facebook and prove that yes, I do have a life. Fuck you, high school!
24. She poses with a fan, he is immediately cropped out of my picture.
25. Phone dies and I get really pissed about it.
26. Leandra tries on Michael Jackson gloves.
27. I tell Leandra that I don’t think they’re a wise purchase.
28. We go grab another drink, this place is crazy and we talk about stuff like thanksgiving and my house.
29. My stomach craves indulgence and my work is calling my name.
30. Cheeseburger with onion rings and bacon on it with fries.

So there you have it, my evening in 30 points. If you do have time, you should really check it out. In 6 weeks, the whole thing will be gone and despite some of the wilder items up there, I will be doing plenty of Christmas shopping in Gaga’s Workshop. If you can’t make it up to Madison, you can shop the entire collection on Barneys.com.

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