WHAT WOULD LYDIA DEETS WEAR?
Lydia Deets is one of my favorite apathetic characters ever. Having watched Beetlejuice many times in my childhood, I like to think that her general negative attitude toward everything rubbed off on me. I can only my children grow up with the same pessimistic outlook. Anyway, Lydia finds herself stuck in Connecticut with her frantic mother and simple father. Little do they know, their new home is where the ghosts of Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis live, isn’t that fun? Lydia forms a relationship with them and has various misadventures in the netherworld where she runs into Beetlejuice. I’m a little hazy on the details but there are sandworms and witch doctors and almost a wedding. Also, the cartoon version was great.
1. Bride of Beetlejuice
Dress by Prabal Gurung, vest by Maison Martin Margiela, shoes by Celine
2. I myself am strange and unusual
Dress by Commun, coat by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Carven
3. Shake, Shake, Shake Senora
Dress by Christian Dior, vest by Lanvin, shoes by Acne
Did you enjoy this post? You might find these fun too:
Maleficent, Joan of Arc, Alice in Wonderland and the Post Index.
WHAT WOULD ELEANOR OF AQUITANE WEAR?
Hello Textbook people, I’m glad to be back, work has been crazy lately but hey, it pays my bills. Here we have Eleanor of Aquitane, basically the most bitchin’ badass woman of medieval times. Eleanor was a highly educated, strong willed and fiercely political. When she was 15, she became Queen of France and traveled to fight in the second crusade. Yup, she fought in the crusades, good for her. After the crusade, she divorced her husband and married King Henry of England and had a rather unhappy marriage. Eight kids later, the couple was estranged and Eleanor sort of ran her own show and set up a salon called “The Court of Love” where the brightest minds of the age discussed love, marriage and duty. One of her sons chose to rebel against her husband and her support found her in prison for 16 years but she was set free after Henry died. She’s also widely acknowledged to be one of the most beautiful women ever. Badass.
1. Queen of France
Coat by Celine, dress by Marc Jacobs, boots by Prada
2. I’m in the crusades, yo!
Cape by Jean Paul Gaultier, dress by Alexander McQueen, boots by Dries Van Noten
3. Oh great, I’m in prison
Coat by Vera Wang, dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Lanvin
WHAT WOULD CINDERELLA WEAR?
Well, this post has been a long time coming. There have been a lot of requests for Cinderella but I’ve been avoiding it because it’s so, it’s so Disney. Disney is wonderful when you’re a kid, but they actually take classic stories and saccharine-ize them so much that they’re not nearly as entertaining as they should be. For example, the near-murderess Little Mermaid and the almost cooked to death Sleeping Beauty. The original telling of Cinderella is actually quite tame. Let’s fast forward to the evil stepmother. Lose the fairy godmother and throw in a tree growing from her mother’s grave, planted from a branch that once hit her father in the face. See what I mean? Trippy. The young Cinderella prays to the tree and it grants her beautiful gold dresses to go to the festivals at the palace where nobody recognizes her when she isn’t in rags. The final night of the festival, the prince puts some super glue on the stairs and her golden shoes stick, enabling him to track down the one he loves. He finds his way to the home of Cinderella. The wicked stepmother instructs her elder daughter to cut off her toe to make the shoe fit, but a bird on the magical tree whispers to the prince that he’s being fooled. The younger daughter hacks off her ankle, but her bloody shoe gives her away. Finally, Cinderella is united with the prince…but it’s not over. In hopes of royal favor, the stepsisters attend the wedding and the birds from the magical tree peck out their eyes, leaving them blind beggars forever. That’s awesome.
1. Listening to Wilson Phillips while cleaning the house
Dress by Rodarte, coat by Celine, shoes by Derek Lam
2. Tree, I need a gold dress.
Dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Miu Miu
3. Tree, I need an even better gold dress with gold shoes.
Dress by Jason Wu, shoes by Lanvin
Revision: It’s not actually the tree that gives her the dresses, it’s a magical bird. Thanks for the info, queenofwolves!
CARMEN, CARMEN
Hey look, a post. My apologies for the absence as of late, but then again I have no obligation to do this so apology revoked. Meh. Thanks for all the great suggestions the other day which included Carmen from the famous opera, Carmen. It’s a little bit complicated but let me give you the quick version. Carmen is a gypsy who works in a cigarette factory (DREAM JOB) and falls in love with Jose. Some craziness ensues after she stabs her coworker and they escape with some bandits. But, wouldn’t you know it, Carmen falls out of love with Jose and in love with another dude. Some time later, after some things happen, Jose pleads once more with Carmen to spend her life with him. She says no, and when she goes to check her tumblr he kills her. Oh, what a life. While we’re on the subject of Carmen, I highly suggest you listen to the famous Habanera…it’ll set your Wednesday off right.
1. I work in a cigarette factory, look at me!
Skirt by Bottega Veneta, shirt by Dries van Noten, shoes by Emilio Pucci
2. JOSE! MI AMOR!
Dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Chloe
3. JOSE! I HATE YOU.
Dress by Aquilano Rimondi, shoes by Celine
MRS. REED, JANE EYRE
Oh, she’s one nasty bitch that Mrs. Reed. As you’ll recall from your high school lit classes, Jane Eyre was Mrs. Reed’s niece and Mr. Reed charged his wife with raising her after his death. Being the god-fearing woman she was, Mrs. Reed obliged. She and her three children tormented poor Jane—throwing books at her, locking her in supposed haunted rooms and basically ruining her life. Eventually Mrs. Reed sent Jane to the Lowood school for some more torture with a religious twist. She was the HBIC of Gateshead and she sucks. When Jane grew older, they made some kind of peace…even after Mrs. Reed told Jane’s only family that she was dead. Good lord.
1. Um, Jane, I hate you.
Coat by Dries Van Noten, dress by Donna Karan, shoes by Bottega Veneta
2. Children, I hate Jane.
Dress by Chloe, coat by Celine, shoes by Fendi
3. I’m on an all carb diet, god Karen you are so stupid.
Coat by Marni, pants by Gucci, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
