TEXTBOOK

I ditched the city for Connecticut this weekend and on the way to dinner my family started asking me what I thought Irene would wear if she was you know, not a hurricane. Right away, I played the Rodarte card and then started thinking some Prabal Gurung—sort of that Miss Havisham whirling mess type, ya know. Later on, Prabal Gurung actually tweeted to ask if his followers thought she’d be an all black type or color-blocking type. I figured if both my Dad and Prabal Gurung wanted to know, I could do a post on it. So here it is and it’s all 95 mph appropriate. Fine family fun for your hurricane tumbling.

1. I keep tornadoes in my handbag, I’ll mace you.

Dress by Rodarte, boots by Thakoon

2. Blowin’ errybody.

Dress by Prabal Gurung, tights and shoes by Anna Sui

3. Pshhhh my eye is collapsing, BFD.

Dress by Viktor & Rolf, tights by Prabal Gurung, boots by Lanvin

Hello Textbook people, I’m glad to be back, work has been crazy lately but hey, it pays my bills. Here we have Eleanor of Aquitane, basically the most bitchin’ badass woman of medieval times. Eleanor was a highly educated, strong willed and fiercely political. When she was 15, she became Queen of France and traveled to fight in the second crusade. Yup, she fought in the crusades, good for her. After the crusade, she divorced her husband and married King Henry of England and had a rather unhappy marriage. Eight kids later, the couple was estranged and Eleanor sort of ran her own show and set up a salon called “The Court of Love” where the brightest minds of the age discussed love, marriage and duty. One of her sons chose to rebel against her husband and her support found her in prison for 16 years but she was set free after Henry died. She’s also widely acknowledged to be one of the most beautiful women ever. Badass.

1. Queen of France

Coat by Celine, dress by Marc Jacobs, boots by Prada

2. I’m in the crusades, yo!

Cape by Jean Paul Gaultier, dress by Alexander McQueen, boots by Dries Van Noten

3. Oh great, I’m in prison

Coat by Vera Wang, dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Lanvin

My first and last word on @CondeElevator.

Shakespeare is always good for a character post, so let’s take a look at Twelfth Night. Like many of his works, Twelfth Night is all about mistaken identities, disguise, humor and of love triumphant. Hooray! The heroine of the story is Viola, who is wrecked on the shores of Illyria, governed by Duke Orsino. Separated from her twin brother, she disguises herself as a man named Cesario and comes to know the Duke as his servant. Bromance ensues. The Duke soon enlists Viola (Cesario) to help him win the affections of Lady Olivia. She falls madly in love with Cesario (Viola). Things start to get crazy and Amanda Bynes wins the big soccer game, then her brother returns and all identities are set right and the Duke and Viola get hitched. Yayo. 1. Shipwrecked, but damnnnn I look good Dress by Nina Ricci, coat by Peter Pilotto, shoes by Roberto Cavalli 2. Hello, Govnah! Me name is Cesario! Suit by Thom Browne, coat by Ferragamo, shoes by Lanvin 3. Surprise! I’m a lady! Dress by Aquilano Rimondi, shoes by Valentino

Countess Bathory was a serious woman. She ran one of the wealthiest family’s in ye olde Hungary, was a devoted mother, clothes horse and serial killer. How ever did she manage it all? Such a modern woman. Of course, time weighs on us all and it weighed particularly heavy on our dear countess. As she grew older, she became obsessed with beauty and maintaining a youthful visage. Perhaps it was madness that lead her to believe that bathing in the blood of young virgin girls would keep her skin soft and attractive, or maybe it was old folklore, or maybe dogs told her. In any event, she turned her castle into a torture chamber—wandering virgins who wandered too close got the axe. The bloodthirsty countess even had a special cage installed as not to waste any of her precious facewash. Now, before I throw her under the bus again, it should be noted that her guilt is still questioned. In that time, a powerful widow was not something powerful men liked to suffer and it has been said that she was merely a pawn in a bigger play for power. Whether she committed the murders or not, she was sentenced to spend the end of her days bricked up in a suite of rooms at her castle. Ouch.

1. Maybe she’s born with it…maybe it’s virgin blood.

Top by Marc Jacobs, skirt by Elie Saab, shoes by Lanvin

2. Because I’m worth it.

Dress by Azzedine Alaia

3. I feel pretty, oh so pretty.

Coat by Proenza Schouler, dress by Alexander McQueen, tights and shoes by Prabal Gurung